I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
