Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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