That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
