In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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