It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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