How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
