My sheets look like a crime scene.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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