You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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