Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
