I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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