and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
