Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
