New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
