Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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