You work out of a Hotel?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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