I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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