wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
