turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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