JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
