i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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