There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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