my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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