you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is Oprah even human
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
