I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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