return my video game
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
