I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
