i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
