Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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