Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
