i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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