I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
