I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
