Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
