who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
