I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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