just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
