So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
