That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize