so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize