is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
