I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
