Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize