Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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