Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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