so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize