Only a mothe r could love this liver
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
