I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
