if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize