i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
