I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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