I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
