$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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