if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
