): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
