Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
