Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
