How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
