sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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