You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
