I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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