I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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