Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
