just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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