I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize