I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
