considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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