I puked a lego.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
