Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
