I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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