Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
