did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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