Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
