do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
